Thank You

Jokes & additions sent by you!

Humorous Anecdote: Our Future Ailment  Sent by M. Bernice Bucher, US Navy Retiree, my aunt. Very Good! I resemble this remark! 

George Carlin's Views On Aging  Sent by John A. Joyce, GE Corp., US Army Vet, my brother. File it! 

Christmas (oops, Easter) Update  Sent by Joe and Joan, best friends to Jeanine and John Joyce, from Yardley, Pennsylvania. What a riot! Too funny!

 A Barbie I Can Relate To Sent by Gita Laoretti of Fort Lauderdale and now West Palm Beach.

         Christmas (oops, Easter) Update

•BOY! How time flies by. It'll be Easter before you know it. Both Joan and I thought we would give you an update on how the past year has been--especially since last Easter. It seems nowadays people write letters at Christmas time only. Well we're different.

We still are Senior Citizens which entitles us to many perks, such as riding the train back and forth to Philadelphia for only a dollar. So picture this, last week we had an extra $5.00, so we went back and forth to Philadelphia five times. Also this past year, they had free blood tests at the YMCA which we took advantage of. 

Joe had a colonoscopy in early December, they video taped it while it was being done, so if your interested in it you can rent it at Blockbuster.

Joan had her annual mammogram and her breasts haven't been the same since. She also came down with painful tennis elbow and she doesn't even play tennis, figure that one out. 

We are still getting AARP magazine which entitles us to many discounts.

Last October we did something really great together we both received our Flu Shots at the same time.

Joe had a cataract removed from his right eye recently and feels like Bluebeard the pirate. Now he is looking for a parrot.

Our Children are all doing Great and are very considerate, they call us everyday to see if we are alive.

It seems we are so much younger when we are with our precious Grandson KYLE, who gives us that extra energy!!!

We are still two Penguins in love! And you know what they do once a year!

As we get older things change in our bodies. The first thing Joe does when he wakes up in the morning is PEE then he gets out of bed. Joan yells from the bathroom, "When did we get this picture of Grandma Moses?" Then she realizes, she was looking in the mirror.

We are having all our X-rays converted into wallet size. So the next time we see you we will share them with you.

We both would like to have face lifts, but we don't want to look like we're walking in a wind tunnel.

All in all this year has been a change and we are still wondering what we are going to change into???

OH, by the way Molly our dog seems to be changing her ways too. She has been sleeping in between us for over 5 years and recently she left us and took over the guest bedroom. She can't take the farts anymore, we miss her at night so we're thinking of getting her a gas mask.

In closing have a "Happy and Healthy Easter" and remember you too will someday receive AARP magazine.

L0VE, JOE AND JOAN

P. S. We are planning a vacation this year to Viagra Falls!!!!

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                 George Carlin's Views On Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half.
You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number ... or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!"
You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21! YESSSS!!!

But then you--turn--30.
Oooohh, what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad milk.
He TURNED; we had to throw him out.

There's no fun now.
You're just a sour-dumpling.
What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes .. it's all slipping away.

Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60.
You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; You HIT lunch; it TURNS 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there
Into the 90s, you start going backwards ...
"I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens.
If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.
"I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.

This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them.
That is why you pay "them!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning.
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things. They're free, too!
(The beach, a walk, a game of cards, a good book.)

5. Laugh often ... long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen.
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love ..
Whether it's .. family, pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
.
8. Cherish your health.
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
.
9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall ... even to the next county .
to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them
at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people .. Who Cares! 

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               Humorous Anecdote: Our Future Ailment

Do you know what A. A. A. D. D is?  Age-Activated Attention

Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car

and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on

the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the

garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out

the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when

I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills

first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only

one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the

house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been

drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the

Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see

that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it

in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers

on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading

glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm

going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container

with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left

it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be

looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the

kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it

belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills

on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels

and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was

Planning to do.

At the end of the day:

 . . . the car isn't washed,

 . . . the bills aren't paid,

 . . . there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,

 . . . the flowers don't have enough water,

 . . . there is still only one check in my check book,

 . . . I can't find the remote,

 . . . I can't find my glasses,

 . . . and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm

really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm

really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some

help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you

know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

******************************************

From Gita Laoretti-- 

                 A Barbie I Can Relate To

Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

 1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

  3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

  4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy -  support panels are included.

  5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

  6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

  7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

  8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

  9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

  10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

  11. Post-Menopausal Barbie This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels.. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.