Chapter 7: To Do & Not To Do     

A Neurologist's Examination

Being in the Positive Present Moment

Being Shut Down

Reacting to Forgetting

Chapter 4: Using Common Sense & Therapy Ideas for Memory Loss

Slow Down, Pause and Wait for Eye Contact

Plateaus Happen - Be Patient -
Forward Acceleration Will Return

No Pressure in Public, Please,
and Think Before Talking For Them

Prompting the First Sound

*********************************************

Chapter 7: To Do & Not To Do 

A Neurologists Examination

Have you ever gone into your doctor and then left without knowing one way or the other why you went in because you did not learn anything new? Tina continued going for evaluations with no hope inside herself. She went around letting others know her life was over because of her confusion and memory loss. 

One can only imagine what happened at her various office visits. Possibly Tina did not speak much, and therefore, the doctor may have missed her improvements. Maybe the doctor was busy or just quiet the day of her visit. The doctor’s quietness may have made Tina more concerned. Actually, it was meant to calm her and let her know she wasn’t doing badly or he or she would have told her so. 

Maybe the doctor was frustrated and admitted not knowing what more could be done or why life was not back to normal for Tina. This sometimes only adds to the belief that the problem is severe when no one knows what else to do. A person can also become insulted when they are told they are fine after so much pain and suffering feeling the doctor does not respect or believe their story. After such an appointment, they become even more convinced of their illness to defend their position.

Essentially, after you hear any negative news about memory loss, remember to believe the best anyway because no one knows for sure whether healing will occur or not, and besides, the new evidence is now out. People do heal from brain damage even with counseling and psychotherapies (Rossi, 2002). 

Furthermore, you cannot get to the healing place while holding onto the grim reports and deep-seated negative beliefs and suggestions to the contrary! 

Personally, I tend in many cases not to read the case reports from other therapists about clients until I have an opportunity to hear about it from the clients so I can begin with a positive clean slate. Why else would they leave a former therapist and come to me if there had been a solution? After a less than successful series of therapy sessions, a fresh untainted point of view is necessary. 

Health care professionals are people like everyone else. After working hard with no results, they also can become frustrated and ready to give up. They can also tell you to stop trying when you should really just find someone new. What we believe about ourselves, from our families, and from professionals causes us to act, productively or destructively.

Being in the Positive Present Moment

There is also another aspect of Tina’s story that illustrates the importance of not giving up. People who have language memory losses become stressed when it is time to recall a word because they expect their memory to fail. 

Many people do not realize that all memory skills are affected by stress. Under pressure, people who normally remember names well will also forget them. Many useful resources go completely overlooked while someone sits under the fog of pressure, anxiety, stress, or depression. 

Why? Because the mind is elsewhere and can only be in one place at a time. The place to be is the positive present moment. Think about it. Even the mere suggestion that a name is difficult to remember can cause you to lose a name in a conversation. 

We’ve all experienced a moment when we’re thinking of a famous person’s name in a conversation. The person we’re talking to might say, “What’s the name of that actor? I can’t remember.” 

Even though the name was ready to come off the tip of our tongue only seconds before, the other person’s suggestion may cause us to momentarily forget also. This is astoundingly normal in the recollection of facts and details.

Being Shut Down

To begin a program assisting a person redeveloping their memory skills, mere suggestions about how much they have lost or body language reflecting how poorly they are doing will shut them down. 

All Tina needed was her doctor’s report that she was going to get worse and she ignored all evidence to the contrary. She continued to believe the wrong things about herself. Don’t we all react this way?

Reacting to Forgetting

So what was she thinking about when it was time to recall something? First, she wasn’t even trying because her belief was that she would not improve. When she might have tried, instead her mind was saying, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this.” 

You can’t be reviewing negative thoughts about how you cannot remember and successfully remember at the same time. You react to the forgetting itself. The mind can only think about one thing or the other. Essentially, this constant negative thinking takes on a life of its own and seems to prove what the doctor originally said was true. 

Later, after working hard to accept the progress I pointed out to her, she went on to create an active fulfilling life for herself again even to the point of being too busy to return her therapist’s phone calls! She teaches music again and is very hard to reach.

Chapter 4: Using Common Sense & Therapy Ideas for Memory Loss

Slow Down, Pause and Wait for Eye Contact

There are some helpful keys that will assist your family during this period of life. 

During the first year after a stroke or head injury or when you notice language is difficult for an Alzheimer’s person, use a slower pace in speaking to the person with memory loss and look at them when you speak to them. Also, be sure they are looking at you! Use more pauses and fewer words, if possible, if you are known to be a fast talker. Don’t be condescending or treat them like a child, but do avoid excess wordiness. You are dealing with a healing brain or weakened one. 

The person with language memory loss will give slow and sometimes even delayed responses as they take needed time to think about what they are saying. This can be expected as they learn to reconnect the words into sentences again. 

This slow delivery may speed up a bit over time with an encouraging attitude if the person spoke rapidly before, but not in all cases, especially where there are the following: Severe perseveration (repetition), apraxia (inability to speak at will), or heavy use of jargon-like incomprehensible strings of utterance.

Plateaus Happen - Be Patient -
Forward Acceleration Will Return

Again, envision yourself speaking in a less known language, and then, think of the person with memory loss for words as having the same experiences. 

In my own foreign travels, it was when I was slowly pulled into short friendly conversations while shopping and walking about that I was able to feel my way and monitor how I was doing. I was able to think and register the new vocabulary, phrases and pronunciation. 

This happens to the person with memory loss, too. Take your time in speaking, and trust me, if they are respected for not giving up during this period of speaking challenges, they will naturally do the best they can to process and respond to everything going on. 

Don’t let them fool you. Frustrated as they may be, no one wants to lose their main method of social communication. If the environment is accepting and loving and they are healthy enough, they will attempt to improve and can learn again. Sometimes learning will accelerate; other times it will appear to plateau. 

Don’t give in to impulses to shut them out or to constantly communicate for them; out of pain and frustration, they might be tempted to give up, but you will only stall their progress this way.

No Pressure in Public, Please,
and Think Before Talking For Them

Consider this. In Paris, when I was rushed to answer people quickly as a foreigner, I couldn’t catch my breath and think about the last thing I’d learned because of the new moment’s pressure. 

Often I just felt flustered even if I had some ideas about the word or what I wanted to express. In talking to persons with memory loss for words, develop a comfortable rhythm. 

There is no need to jump in when they are trying to speak unless you can see that they want you to. You will know by the clear message on their face or by some other signal the two of you have devised together whether or not your input would feel helpful or hurtful. A tap of the index finger to the nose might work beautifully when the person is capable of such an idea. 

When you see him or her grabbing at the air obviously asking you ‘please’ for ‘the word.’ That is an okay time to give it. Don’t frustrate the person at those moments. 

Other times, you will not jump right in when it looks just as hard, if he or she has expressed not wanting your help while attempting to meet the learning challenge. 

At some point, you will learn, even when the person said they don’t want help, you might give it now and then to help avoid embarrassment.

Prompting the First Sound

Often prompting the first sound or letter might be all the person needs to hear from you to recall the word. Remember, when the person is relaxed and can review his or her thoughts with a little more time to think, understanding of what is said and ability to remember old words will greatly increase. This is true for memory loss of stroke, head trauma, and mild Alzheimer’s persons, both young and old. 

When the person feels he or she can handle a party or social environment, don’t hold them back because of this preference for a relaxed environment—go! They may only want to do something like this occasionally and we only go around once! 

Follow these simple guidelines, prompt them occasionally and encourage them on during the outing. Afterwards, applaud them for their bravery. Be grateful to be in your own shoes instead of theirs. They may even become more mellow and easy to be with at these times than before.